What No One Told Me About Therapy
What No One Told Me About Therapy:
By Mikala Schimke
1. It takes a long time to get comfortable with the idea of starting the search for a therapist.
I talked about it for over a year before even looking in our network.
2. Once you hurdle that, it takes even longer to pick one.
I spent hours every week looking and lurking.
3. Once you pick one, it takes a long time to make an appointment, let alone, keep it.
I cancelled quite a few times before keeping the appointment. Which was never met with disdain, by the way.
Keep trying. But don't push it. Won't do you any good if you aren't ready.
And yes. You will know when you're ready.
4. Once you go to that first appointment. it's fucking odd. (Also want to note that the first therapist MAY NOT BE "THE ONE". THAT IS OK! DON'T LET IT DETER YOU, YOU CAN DO THIS!)
•You will wait. Silently. For the therapist to signal you to talk and what to talk about. You will wait for permission from them to start unloading. You think it will be like the movies "so how does that make you feel".
But guess what, they don't. NO guidebook handed out, NO talking points or syllabus & absolutely NO WRONG WAY.
You will not receive any direction unless you ask for it. And the answer may end up being the same or similar to what my therapist said... "This is about YOU. I know that must seem weird. But I want to listen to whatever you have to say".
P (let's call my therapist P for short) didn't look or sound like I thought a therapist would. P was soft-spoken but fiery. She sat cross legged in her chair, with well coordinated cardigans and pants. So many books on the shelves, but they were not organized in any way I would have thought...alphabetical or by color/subject. It seemed like they were in the order in which she used them the most or enjoyed them the most. Lots of study & informational books.
The office was small. I was allowed to sit wherever I wanted. SO I sat on the floor, fidgeting with the oddities on the glass table.
The couch & loveseat were cream colored, the office was bright with a huge window in the corner.
P's tiny desk and oversized filing cabinet were kind of messy, but in a way that didn't distract.
P never told me I was crazy. I was anticipating that. And that I wasn't able to be helped. That I was too fucked up.
She wasn't afraid of me. She wasn't sad for me. She challenged me.
We talked about a lot.
P taught me a meditation I still use today.
5. EUPHORIA IS VERY REAL.
And it will trick you. That's your ego. Take many deep breaths and listen to the other parts of you that come up.
Think of it like the moment your fever breaks and you FEEL LIKE A MILLION BUCKS...so you get up, walk around..but you get dizzy and you're weak.
That is therapeutic euphoria... YOU ARE NOT MAGICALLY FIXED (mainly because you aren't broken...see what I did there??) and you are not healed ta-da style. It takes time, energy & commitmet.
6. When it's over, you will be scared.
Like, really scared. That you don't actually have what it takes to be on your own. How could you have done from the seemingly never ending hunt for the "right" therapist to never wanting to leave the one you have?
Did you REALLY heal? (hint... be cautious ..remember euphoria...)
This does not mean you aren't healing, learning, growing...but it does mean that those shadows will always be there. You are now aware of them, and you know that they need love and care too.
7. You can do it.
8. Seriously.
9. You did really hard things.
10. And you can do more.
11. If you need more help? Go back. Continue. Start again.
12. Because you are worth it.
Here are some things you could
gain from therapy...
1. The things you are afraid of have names.
It might be chemical, hormonal or genetic.
Whatever it is, you are not crazy.
You can learn about the things that make you different, and different isn't bad. PROMISE!
I didn’t understand why, from a very young age, I was so different. I didn't think like other people did. I didn't react or handle information like other kids did. I didn't belong to "normal" kids or special education. I learned fast, but didn't retain new information without writing it down or doing it with my own hands. I could see and feel things I couldn't explain.
There is a lot more, but let's stick with the short version.
The amount of times I was told I wasn't falling in line with "normal" caused me to think I was abnormal.
That is simply not true.
2. You find your power.
THIS TAKES TIME.
And more than likely doesn't happen during a session.
This happened many years later for me with lots of practice and awareness.
3. You learn that you really can do hard things.
4. You learn you are the same person at work as you are at home.
This was a tough one for me to grasp.
I was so confident, capable and FUCKING BOSS at work. Why couldn't I see that person when I wasn't in the workplace?
When P said this to me, I literally asked her if she was crazy.
It was so unbelievably groundbreaking in my mind.
5. Why becomes a less scary question.
You aren't as afraid to dig deeper. You start to understand that shadows aren't scary. They are lost. They need your help.
You understand how to come back out if you go a little too far.
You learn acceptance along with this.
Which comes with time & practice and repetition. You may accept today and not tomorrow. And that may be a lifelong thing.
But it deserves the time and energy. •Because YOU DO.
6. EUPHORIA IS VERY REAL.
•Worth repeating.